Messenger's Report

The man Ratatoskr it's said

Found out who he worked for and fled

But before he did that

Knocked the servers out flat

So Slender Man took off his head


There's been an awful lot of personal involvement for the tall guy, hasn't there? Guess he's gotten bored with other people doing the dirty work. Not like it matters to me. Dead is Dead after all.

The old king is dead

Long live the king

                  -The Messenger

Fucking cut it out pend. It's not funny anymore.  This isn't right.

That thing isn't supposed to be real There's no way it should bereal and you threw it right at me.  Okay I'm sorry, okay?  I' sorry I crahsed your server.  It was all a joke.  Ah ha ha.  No harm done inthe long run, right?  I dindt think it was real.  There's no way I could hae known.

Come on Pendy.  Call your pet off.  I know you can control it, right?  that's that oracle thing you do?  Call it off man.  Please, it killed Toggs.  It killed him just because I went ot him when it was chasing me.  You didn't want to kill Toggs, did you?  Right? Come on, you're not gonna let it just kill all our friends are you?

I'm not scared of it.  Fuck you.  Fuck you and your stupid pet.  You cant hrurt me. Come on, Pend, we're friend.s  You're not going to just kill a friend for a little prank, are you?  You can't do that.  You won't.  You won't let it.  I know you.  That's not you.  Just call it off, Pend.  Call it off and I'll come back.  I'll do whatever job you want me to.  One of those crazy killer guys?  I can do that.  I'll do that for you.  Just call it off.

Come on Pend I can't let it catch me like it caught Toggs.  I can't do that.  I'm sorry, okay?  'm sorry for what I did and I'll make it up to you just please call it off call it off call it off call it off call it off call it off call it off call it off i can't keep running lik this

You're pretty fucking funny, Pendy.  Sending out that gag e-mail.  And yeah, I decided to play along with you're little joke because you were going to pay me.  I figured things would work out for me.

It's too fucking bad that they didn't, because now I have to make it so that they don't work out for you either.

So I crashed your server.  You'd think that'd be the end of it, but noooooo, now you have to come and hunt me down like some sort of Most Dangerous Game shit.  Isn't it enough?  Isn't it enough that you introduced that fucking thing into my life?  Now I have to run from it and you?

I don't know what sick cult you think you're leading, Pend.  I don't know what sort of shit they brainwashed you into doing.  But using our friends to track me down is just fucking cheap.  You know you couldn't beat me so you had to cheat like that?  Did you bring them into this too?  Did you?

Come on, Pend.  This isn't you.  You need to snap out of this shit.  I'm your friend, remember?  Are you really going to kill me just because I crashed your server a little?  You got it back, didn't you?

Well fuck you anyway.  You want to do this the hard way so we'll do this the hard way.  Go ahead and throw all the men you can after me.  I'll kill every single fucking last one of them.  You're not getting me.  I've got my middle fingers up and held high, throwing blinding "fuck you" beacons into the night. Have your little amphibious fucker of a toady tell you that.

Insert Rolling Stones Reference Here

So now that Pen- excuse me, "Messenger", has tidied things up on his end business.
I suppose introductions are in order. It so happens that I hate introductions, so let's keep this one short then.

I'm Ratatoskr. Well, okay, to be fair I'm not a squirrel that climbs a giant fucking tree but it's an old handle and frankly I like it.
I hack things, in case that wasn't immediately obvious. And I suppose I've got the dubious job title of "Messenger" now.
Obituarist to bloggers.
Really.
Takes all sorts I suppose and a bit of cash is always good.

Now, granted I've always been more of a wake then a funeral sort of person. Have you been to many funerals? They're depressing and frankly I get enough of that in my day job. I'm not the guy to go to for long winded eulogies or offer condolences. Maybe I'll do a bit of music. Music is nice.

So, this is my job now right?  You people apparently know the drill. I've got Pend's old email from when the gig was his, shootingthemessenger@hotmail.com . You want something done? Send me an email. They'll be going up here and over on the list. I'll see about moving a few of those posts from Pend's blog over when I get the time.

On that note, I've been poking through Pend's blog a little, and seen some of the shit that happens in the comments. A quick word? He may have put up with it, I won't. Start anything and I will come down on it like like a stack of lead bricks.
On Jupiter.

You've got mail!

So I wake up yesterday morning, sometime around the crack of noon, and check my inbox. And hey, there’s email.

I mean, that’s what an inbox is for but it’s not exactly like a lot of people have that address. I value my privacy, and these days it’s a little hard to come by.

But getting off of the fucking topic. So this email is from Pendraconius. No one’s seen, smelt or heard neither hide nor fucking tail of the bastard in months. Do you know what that means? 

It means the guy’s gotten picked up by those lovely gentlemen with the black and white cars, gotten laid, or died. However you look at it, no one was expecting to hear from him again.

And I sure as hell wasn’t expecting something like this:

This is a mass e-mail.

If you are receiving this message, it is because the name “Pendraconius” means something to you.

I come with a job offer.  I go by "The Messenger" now, though that title may soon pass to you.  The pay is decent and, most importantly, consistent.  It's a steady source of income, which I know some of you need.

I can explain the details later, but let's just say for now that the job involves hacking the blogs of the deceased and putting up death announcements.  If you're at all interested, please respond ASAP.

Dear Internet

What. The. Everloving. Fuck.

Sincerely,

Ratatoskr

Seriously, where the hell does Pend get off with this shit? No one’s heard from him in how long, and then we get this weird stuff. Has he gone off the deep end?

Whatever. Job better pay.

Half these morons wouldn’t have a clue what they were doing once they finished the hacking anyways. Fucking anti-socials…