You've got mail!

So I wake up yesterday morning, sometime around the crack of noon, and check my inbox. And hey, there’s email.

I mean, that’s what an inbox is for but it’s not exactly like a lot of people have that address. I value my privacy, and these days it’s a little hard to come by.

But getting off of the fucking topic. So this email is from Pendraconius. No one’s seen, smelt or heard neither hide nor fucking tail of the bastard in months. Do you know what that means? 

It means the guy’s gotten picked up by those lovely gentlemen with the black and white cars, gotten laid, or died. However you look at it, no one was expecting to hear from him again.

And I sure as hell wasn’t expecting something like this:

This is a mass e-mail.

If you are receiving this message, it is because the name “Pendraconius” means something to you.

I come with a job offer.  I go by "The Messenger" now, though that title may soon pass to you.  The pay is decent and, most importantly, consistent.  It's a steady source of income, which I know some of you need.

I can explain the details later, but let's just say for now that the job involves hacking the blogs of the deceased and putting up death announcements.  If you're at all interested, please respond ASAP.

Dear Internet

What. The. Everloving. Fuck.

Sincerely,

Ratatoskr

Seriously, where the hell does Pend get off with this shit? No one’s heard from him in how long, and then we get this weird stuff. Has he gone off the deep end?

Whatever. Job better pay.

Half these morons wouldn’t have a clue what they were doing once they finished the hacking anyways. Fucking anti-socials…